So this is closure, huh?
The last two nights I’ve been dreaming rather actively and talking in my sleep. I remember dreaming of Anna-Maija (she was only fooling about being pregnant), Marina (she’d left “Hassan” and was staying in Finland) and Misu (she spent the night but I offered to make a bed on the couch for her).
Misu and I met today and finally had our big “after the breakup’ conversation. She'd had “fun,” as she put it, and felt bad—unfilfilled—by it. I was hurt but I was able to get past my initial reactions. We talked and she said things that, in my opinion, ranged from hurtful to spiteful to untruthful (“you’ll be more alone than I will” / “you can’t feel anything” / “you’ll regret this the rest of your life” / “I don’t even like you anymore”). I called her on them, and she apologized, said she couldn’t help it. I can’t say I don’t know what she meant.
This evening clouds rolled in from the sea and I heard thunder in the distance.
So now it’s finally over.
Misu, I’m loathe to say this because I know it doesn’t help—and maybe you can’t believe me—but I love you. I think I always will. I cherish the time we did spend sharing our lives with each other. Never stop shining.
Who do I now have to share this feeling of emptiness with?
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