As I sit here right now

As I sit here right now, in front of my computer, in my room at our illegal cellar-cum-apartment, one of my small two identical windows (two thirds of all of the windows in the household, in fact) is wide open. I can hear rainwater dripping from the roof and splattering on the ground.

It's dark outside. Dark and cold and wet. It's utterly gloomy, lacking even the romantic undercurrents of rainy days or cold spring nights. The weather makes me want to... Well, it doesn't make me want anything. Rather, it makes me unwant... anything.

My ashtray is filled up in under an hour when I have friends over.

Judging by state of my room that some 15 percent of all cigarette ashes end up outside of the ashtray.

My twenty-first birthday is in eighteen days. I have ninety-nine days of civilian service left.

I am smoking a cigarette right now. No, I lied. I just put it out. I dropped a huge nugget of ash on my desk.

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