Vietin juhannuksen Elicen mökillä ainoana jätkänä kuuden tytön kanssa. Oli aika mielenkiintoinen reissu, tosin aika rauhallinenkin. Tytöt eivät osanneet arvioida viinankulutustaan oikein (“ei me niin paljon juoda, se on niin kallistakin”), joten känninen örvellys, mitä juhannus yleensä on, ei ollut. Reissusta on kuvia.

“Huh, mikä kuva!” sanoi Piippu. Kuvaa vaan ei enää ole.

I have a really bad habit of slapping the snooze button on my mobile phone which I use as an alarm clock. Worse still, rather than just delaying my eventual getting up by increments of six minutes by pressing the button above the red phone key, it's really easy to accidentally (or maybe semi-consciously) press the button above the green phone key, which turns off the alarm all together.

This morning, however, my dad saved me from over-sleeping by asking me a bunch of questions. His first question was easy enough to answer without having to even open my eyes: “No, even though my alarm went off, I don’t have to get up yet,” I mumbled.

I heard my dad ask something else to which I instictively replied: “I have to be at work by 10:00.”

Usually that would have satisfied him, but this time he pressed on. The third question was too hard to answer straight off, without having to wake up. “Huh? What bus I'm taking? Uuh...” I stuttered.

Suddenly I was jerked into a more conscious state. “Why the hell are you asking me all these questions?” I yelled at him.

“I'm mind-fucking you so you'll wake up,” he answered.

I don’t want to humor people by engaging in idle small talk any more. I’m tired of the emptiness spewing from peoples mouths that fills the air with meaningless chatter.

I don’t mind small talk, as I think it has value as a means of establishing a connection between two persons who don’t know each other. But I don’t want to “talk the talk” myself. No more.

The sun's out today, for the first time in weeks. It's a beautiful day and I'm inside, sitting in front of the computer. Why?

I get headaches from direct sunlight.

This morning Joel left for his trip to the US. He woke me up at 6:00 like I asked him to, I wanted get up early and say good-bye to him. Everyone was in a good mood until Mom noticed that Joel had, uuh, liberated $15 that she had been saving. She was going to give the money to Joel for his trip anyway, it just always feels so bad when he takes stuff from you.

I wasn't involved in the situation but it brought to mind the last two times Joel's taken stuff from me. That he borrows money or cigarettes or whatever, it's never such a big deal. It just feels bad, like your personal space has been invaded. Plus, it tends to make me a little paranoid. I always have to wonder whether I've spent more than I remember or has someone been in a more pressing need of my money.

The last year or so Joel's been much better about stealing—or borrowing—as I think he really believes it is. When he takes stuff, I know he thinks he'll pay everything back, it's just that what he's taken usually builds up until he can't pay it back.

Joel'll be gone for five weeks and I think I'll really miss him this summer. He's such a great guy and we've had so much fun just hanging out the last couple of summers.

Muutin sivun ulkoasua. Uusi kuva, suurempi riviväli leipätekstissä. Perusjuttuja. Miksiköhän mä viilaan tätä niin paljon? En ole—enkä aiokaan—miettinyt mitään oikeata designia tälle sivulle, mutta silti huomaan itseni aina muuttavan pikkujuttuja. On kuin en osaisi pÆÆttÆÆ miltä haluan sivun näyttävän. Ehkä se kielii jostain muustakin kuin huonosti ylläpidetystä nettiksestä…

The First Twins fan site. It's ironic that Mr. Family Values will most probably only benefit from his daughters’ misbehavior. That the president has two 19-year-old blond daughters running around getting busted (for having, uuh, fun) only increases his popularity (just like Clinton’s sex scandals did). Too bad.

I got what I went there for and had fun at the same time, so the trip was a success. I was a little “travel-weary” this morning, though. Anyone who knows what a Finnish cruise is like understands what I mean, heh.

Anyway. I’m still tired from a week of hard work, limited hours of sleep at night and it’s Friday. So it seems like nothing’s new.

Last night's dinner was excellent. We didn't eat until after midnight, but the food was really good—just like the company. I did end up inviting Miss A and I had a really great time.

We all spent the night at Anna-Maija's and I over-slept like the last time I was there a week ago. I got to work at 9:30, so it really wasn't that bad, I had just hoped to spend a somewhat leisurely morning drinking coffee and enjoy myself just looking out the window. Oh, well. I suppose the extra hour of sleep did me good (especially considering that almost two in teh morning now and I have to get up in three hours).

Tomorrow I'm going to Tallinn for the day. It was kind of a spontaneous thing, but I've been planning to go to Tallinn for a long time, so I took the opportunity to join my brother and his friends. Late this evening Elexa decided she would come (after a little persuasion) too, so I bought her a ticket online from Ecker�line's site. It worked really smoothly, I just hope nothing is messed up at the other end. It would really suck to arrive at the terminal at 7:00 AM topick up our tickets and have to argue about a missing order...

Anyway, I won't be home till late tomorrow evening, so I'll have to see if I "log on" at all.

I decided to come to work early today so that maybe for once I could leave in the afternoon without incurring (or adding to) a huge punch card deficit. I arrived around eight thirty, which was pretty early for me. Taneli was already here, plugging away.

Work's been slow all day, but I did finally reach Reiska and got the videos copied. It's only taken me, what, two weeks? My other work is creeping up on me, though. Markku did some work on the family site but it isn't nearly ready. I just found out that the family reunion my parents are attending (and for which it would be nice to get the site up) is already this week, not next week. So I guess I'll burning some midnight oil pulling another all-nighter or two on that project.

Meanwhile, the Rekaksois blog template is still undone. Last time I talked to Rami I said I'd give it to him some time in the beginning of last week. Aaargh! I'm so bad.

Piippu just called and invited me over to Anna-Maija's for dinner. A-M is in Kouvola and he's house-sitting her empty student apartment. So I'm hoping to leave at a reasonable time—say, in a hour or so—and pick up a bottle of wine from the Alko on my way to Kannelm�ki. I'm not sure if I'm going to ask Miss A to join us. I can't really invite Elexa—for Piippu's sake—and I'm not sure of the chemistry of Miss A, Piippu and myself.

Me and my romantic entangles. Saturday night we finally kissed. It felt—amazing. Just like she is. But I’m so very confused as to what I want. From her, from a relationship in general.

Am I unconsciously emotionally keeping my distance from her to protect myself from the hurt I felt in the last relationship I had? Or am I really not interested (enough) in her to commit (to anything)? Or am I held back just by a sudden and forceful relapse of my fear of commitment?

So many answers to such a hard question for me. And what makes it harder is that I don’t know who to talk to about this. Normally I’d talk to my sister but Miss A (as I’ll call her here) is also a friend of my sister’s, so I’d rather not.

What to do, what to do. If I had the courage, I could just be a bastard and sweet-talk my way into Miss A’s arms and not disclose how uncertain I am. Then again, would it be fair to me (or her) to just break it off now, without ever exploring what might come of our developing relationship?

Just when I had decided to start studying Python, comes Devshed to the rescue. Haven’t had time to read the tutorial(s) yet, but I printed them for later.

Lakkiaiset tulivat ja menivät. Juhla olikin yllättävän mukava—olin odottanut mielettömän tylsää ja virallista seisontaa. Ne olivatkin sitten lähinnä pienimuotoiset open houset.

Lahjoja tuli aika kivasti, mutta huomasin arvostavani eniten niiden ajatusta. Minut valtasi halu välittää kaikille miten paljon arvostin heitä, että he ovat elämässäni. Aika klisee, mutta siltä minusta tuntui.

Jatkot alkoivat Hermannissa asuvalla Kristalla. Hänen, hänen pikkusiskonsa Annan ja Annan poikaystävän Paulin kämppä on aika näky (ja haju). Kamaa ja vaatteita kasoissa JOKA puolella. Heidän kaksi uroskoiraa myös haisevat todella voimakkaasti, joten istuimme suurimman osaksi aikaa ulkona vaatteiden ja huonekalujen peittämällä parvekkeella. Joimme ostamani Dos Dedos -tequilapullon odottaessamme Inkaa, Fatia ja Niseitä.

Ahtauduimme jälleen Markun pieneen autoon ja ajoimme keskustaan. Ensimmäiseksi suuntasimme Makasiineille, mutta visiitti jäi lyhyeksi. Niseillä oli jotain peliä jonkun pojan kanssa, joka olikin Hesperiassa Pussyssa. Pussy olikin ihan okei, ja ilta välähti ohi kuin Lumier-pätkä. Ehkä onneksi? Muistan nimittäin elävästi Requiem for a Dream -kokemuksen, jossa valot ja pauhaavat äänimaisema sulautuivat yhdeksi eläväksi efektivirraksi. Muistan myös hien, joka kasteli liian ison valkoisen pukupaitani ja sinapinvihreän pukuni. Puku oli muuten sama joka minulla oli päällä peruskoulun päättäjäisissä.

Sunnuntai oli ihan hirveä. Pussyn jälkeen menin Krunaan Misun kaverille Lindalle kun muut jatkoivat Nosturiin. Aamu meni okei, mitä nyt sekavassa mielentilassa. Loppupäivän vietin syvässä horroksessa. Onnistuin loukkaamaan Mummia kun jaksanut/kyennyt esittelemään hänelle edellisenä päivänä saatuja lahjojani.

Neiti A oli taas meillä yötä, mutta poikkeuksellisesti oli minun vuoro nukkua huonosti. Lasketaankohan Neiti A helluntaiheilaksi? Mitäköhän hän itse siihen sanoisi…

Tämä biisi soi mulla päässä useammastakin syystä.